the entire gender problem isn't exactly "people are mistakenly assigned one gender when really they fit the qualifications for another" it's believing that you can be arbiter of what makes one qualify for a certain gender. it's believing that gender has a static definition
i love having facial hair. it's incredibly gender euphoric for me. it's a part of my masculinity i'm overjoyed i get to express now. but does that mean i think facial hair has some innate connection with masculinity?? that having or wanting facial hair is innately masculine for everyone? god no
so you get terfs and other transphobes getting all fucking up in arms with like "how *do* you know you're a woman then??? if it doesn't have anything to do with Genitals and it doesn't have anything to do with Feminine Gender Norms, then it means nothing!! checkmate!" when the answer is like, actually it could have to do with both or either? or yes, it could have to do with neither one of those.
demanding someone define what manhood/womanhood is, in order to justify their being a man/woman, is a trick question. because anything you say will be met with "oh so you admit to being gender essentialist??" terfs and other transphobes *purposefully* take our very personal reasons for id'ing with a gender and act like we believe those are mandates for /everyone/
it's a great system because the only way we can refuse to participate in it is by going "actually yes lol. there is no definition of a woman anyone can be a woman if they choose" which is the sort of concept that sounds incredibly silly and illogical to any people outside of the """""trans debate"""""
anyway for any trans people (or cis people honestly) out there wondering if some behavior you do disqualifies you from your gender; the answer is no. how you define and relate to the gender you identify with is entirely your choice. it is not possible to be disqualified from it.
if you are looking at other trans people and going "well that trans person *hates* x about themselves, but i don't in fact i kind of like it, does that mean i am not trans??" the answer is no. the answer is, what contributes to the gender id of one person, in no way affects the gender id (even if it's the same gender id in name) of another
and does it get like, a little bit complex figuring out what we *actually* want as part of our gender, and what's just a social norm? for sure. but that's a struggle we can only have within ourselves, not one we can decide for other people. you don't get to say someone is falling pray to binary oppression by wanting to beautiful, or wanting to be muscley, or wanting certain genitals or anything. the very problem exists when we tell others they need to want/not want those things to be that gender
anyway this is what i woke up thinking about lol
@myconidiosyncrasy it's a good thread
@myconidiosyncrasy this is a really good thread Tristan ty
The bizarre thing about that is that terfs themselves are incredibly gender essentialist and lately they've been more blatantly racist (I saw one describe "lighter skin" as a "feminine" trait). They have inconsistent definitions of maleness and femaleness so they can justify being assholes. I have inconsistent definitions of maleness and femaleness so I can respect as many people's genders as possible. We are not the same
@winter terfs rely on the same "but logic and facts!!" attitude centrist/libertarian (and now more and more conservative people) do to convince people they're right. they don't actually have strong logic and facts they just say "it's logic and facts!!" about all arguments they like and then stubbornly ignore the ones they don't
@winter no one from the outside ever sees them engage in arguments that they "lose", and their constant insistence that barely substantiated sociological theories and over simplified medical info are "logic and facts" makes them look like they actually are approaching this with reason, not just struggling to uphold a crumbling binary system lol
@myconidiosyncrasy I’ve also been asked this by trans fem people who ask me “what even is being masc” and any answer I give is met with “well women can be that too”
trans masc problems
@FirstProgenitor yeah this was a huge frustration for me for a very long time. people would ask what masculinity really *was* but i can't really answer that question??? it is has a completely different answer per person. if i tell you mine personally, it will sound either silly and/or essentialist and i'm not gonna submit myself to that
trans masc problems
@FirstProgenitor people also know that feminity is a per person deal, but no one is saying "dresses aren't something you can associate with your transition because they are not inherently feminine"
trans masc problems
@myconidiosyncrasy @FirstProgenitor i admit I've sometimes fell into the trap of thinking like this. part of the turmoil of trying to figure out my own gender identity and it's something I've struggled with since before i realized i was trans and even since i first started thinking i was nonbinary, in fact that's what started on my journey. idk what masculinity really means even when i was expected to be a boy, but also i don't understand what femininity really means
trans masc problems
@julia @FirstProgenitor yeah! i think it's a hiccup for a lot of trans people because it's sort of like what is art or love? the truth is there are thousands of different valid definitions and methods of expression. everyone's is deeply personal, deeply based in our experiences and culture. it's a pretty fucking hard thing to figure out tbh
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