the answer to the long debated question "what does it actually mean to be a man, woman, or any nonbinary gender; like how are these terms defined", is simply (enraging transphobes everywhere) "that is up to the man, woman, or nonbinary person in question to decide"

the entire gender problem isn't exactly "people are mistakenly assigned one gender when really they fit the qualifications for another" it's believing that you can be arbiter of what makes one qualify for a certain gender. it's believing that gender has a static definition

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genitals 

for one woman having a vagina may be integral to her womanhood, and that's absolutely fine. the problem comes in when she tries to tell /other women/ that they need to have (or need to want, as in the case of some transmedicalists) a vagina to be a woman

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i love having facial hair. it's incredibly gender euphoric for me. it's a part of my masculinity i'm overjoyed i get to express now. but does that mean i think facial hair has some innate connection with masculinity?? that having or wanting facial hair is innately masculine for everyone? god no

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terfs 

so you get terfs and other transphobes getting all fucking up in arms with like "how *do* you know you're a woman then??? if it doesn't have anything to do with Genitals and it doesn't have anything to do with Feminine Gender Norms, then it means nothing!! checkmate!" when the answer is like, actually it could have to do with both or either? or yes, it could have to do with neither one of those.

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terfs 

demanding someone define what manhood/womanhood is, in order to justify their being a man/woman, is a trick question. because anything you say will be met with "oh so you admit to being gender essentialist??" terfs and other transphobes *purposefully* take our very personal reasons for id'ing with a gender and act like we believe those are mandates for /everyone/

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terfs 

it's a great system because the only way we can refuse to participate in it is by going "actually yes lol. there is no definition of a woman anyone can be a woman if they choose" which is the sort of concept that sounds incredibly silly and illogical to any people outside of the """""trans debate"""""

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anyway for any trans people (or cis people honestly) out there wondering if some behavior you do disqualifies you from your gender; the answer is no. how you define and relate to the gender you identify with is entirely your choice. it is not possible to be disqualified from it.

if you are looking at other trans people and going "well that trans person *hates* x about themselves, but i don't in fact i kind of like it, does that mean i am not trans??" the answer is no. the answer is, what contributes to the gender id of one person, in no way affects the gender id (even if it's the same gender id in name) of another

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and does it get like, a little bit complex figuring out what we *actually* want as part of our gender, and what's just a social norm? for sure. but that's a struggle we can only have within ourselves, not one we can decide for other people. you don't get to say someone is falling pray to binary oppression by wanting to beautiful, or wanting to be muscley, or wanting certain genitals or anything. the very problem exists when we tell others they need to want/not want those things to be that gender

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Red Room

R E D R O O M is a small, private instance geared toward goth weirdoes, artists and creatives, run by a queer PoC. Unofficial home of nightcrew, a roost for the bats of the fediverse.

Better red than dead.