neurodivergent people: hello. we are Very Very aware that this behavior can be harmful but it's something we struggle with and people's response to us struggling with it is like, Extremely Harmful. can you not
other neurodivergent people who feel like they don't have to critically analyze their ableism because they're also nd: have you considered that you're just an asshole??

like, being being neurodiverse doesn't always look like [quirky and innately harmless personality trait]. some parts of being neurotypical do actually make us unintentionally do harmful things and while i fully acknowledge that's a Hot Topic because of how much we're marginalized, other neurodiverse people charging in and going like, "oh so you're saying nd ppl are innately harmful??" is actually not fucking helpful at all

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neurodiverse meta 

"missing social cues" doesn't always mean "didn't get the lewd joke or whatever". sometimes it's not realizing you were hurting your friends feelings. sometimes it's talking over someone because you're really excited. sometimes it's not realizing the topic at hand is making someone really uncomfortable

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neurodiverse meta 

and yeah so like, responding angrily and without any further explanation is also how people treat us for acting atypically in a harmless way so it's actually fucking useless. like i'm not tryna say you owe everyone the time and energy to explain how they're being harmful, but i am trying to say, at least don't revel in it?? like idk uggh i've kinda lost the thread of what i'm trying to say

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neurodiverse meta 

i guess for an example, me and other nd ppl have talked b4 about how "reply guy" stuff really freaked us out bc we were scared that's what we were doing and no one told us. this is a pretty widely held anxiety among particularly adhd/autistic ppl (who info dump) yet the popular response to it is usually along the lines of "you're just privileged ppl trying to use ur mental health as a defense for being shitty" or "how dare you imply nd ppl can't learn social cues"

neurodiverse meta 

like.... we weren't saying either of those things. of course nd ppl can learn social cues/how not do shitty stuff, and we (at least ime) weren't trying to excuse our behavior, just expressing fear that we might be unintentionally being harmful. and so it's like. idk yeah there's just this pattern of nd ppl being like "hey this response is unhelpful and sometimes even ableist" and everyone going "how dare you" instead of like idk, listening??

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neurodiverse meta 

a very cool social cycle that happens CONSTANTLY:
-abusive (or sometimes just selfish) ppl figure out a way to manipulate the social norms to get what they want
-community cottons on and begins to reject that behavior
-initial abusers of the system cotton on in turn and update their harmful behavior to be discreet again
-nd ppl are left experiencing the majority of the anger about said behavior w no idea why and no one interested in taking the time to explain

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neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy You put feelings I barely even realized I had into very precise words

neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy i keep trying to figure out what i can add on to this, but i can't think of anything, so i'll just say: holy shit, this

neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy uh, had the same thought in the last few days, thank you for writing it out!

neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy lol yeah, sometimes I’ll see something that’s kinda phrased (to me) like the person’s looking for suggestions so I’ll respond, then I don’t get a response back and I’m plagued with worry afterwards in case I did a reply guy thing and annoyed them. But then half the time when something is an explicit question and I reply with the answer I don’t get a response saying ‘thanks’ so who tf knows. NTs don’t even follow their own fucking rules

neurodiverse meta 

@dreadpirateyarr @myconidiosyncrasy for me it's helped to slowly build awareness around my own actions, like the excitement and being ready to info dump, It's a feeling I know. So then I can prepare the other person, often with a cw.
If I have unsolicited advice, I'll ask, especially if we're maybe not mutual, but engage with each other regularly.
For mutuals I'll just cw unsolicited advice and post it. I appreciate that we can't always have this

neurodiverse meta 

@dreadpirateyarr @myconidiosyncrasy I appreciate that we can't always have this awareness, but I think we can practice it. And yes it can take time.

Sometimes I'll follow up with "sorry for info dump / unsolicited advice" when I realize. Which won't be always.

But yes, I also appreciate that it's a minefield some days, and some people on here will just throw others to the wolves, even if they've been mutuals. 🤷‍♀️

neurodiverse meta 

@dreadpirateyarr i know most of the time when i don't reply it's just cause of low social energy not annoyance or anything?? and i think that's the case w most people? but yeah it's a tough one for me also and i wish ppl would be more clear with guidelines and boundaries w/o being snarky or passive aggressive

neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy @dreadpirateyarr the low social energy thing is why the fave button is a godsend

neurodiverse meta 

@julia @myconidiosyncrasy lol yes, it’s good for ‘I hear you, but I’ve not got the energy to respond/my brain has completely moved on from this topic of conversation’

neurodiverse meta 

@myconidiosyncrasy it took me quite a while to start complaining about being talked over, some of the people who do that have adhd and while i try not to i do sometimes as well (im autistic) but the worst offenders are definitely NTs with some corporate bullshit theory about apologizing for interrupting me and then continuing talking being a strength.

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